NUMB!

Someone asked me a week ago, if I've felt butterflies in my stomach when I meet some one.After pondering It over , Ive come to realisation that I have never had the privilege of feeling them. Never!!. I don't know what love is. The gut churning feeling of happiness when u meet someone you love, whether from my family or otherwise, is an elusive one. So is the gut wrenching feeling of loosing that kind of someone. I have lost a lot of people, friends and family, in my life and yet I always seem to end up numb and indifferent. No loss has ever given me the endless heartache and pain that it seems to give others. Am I dead inside ? Is it that I have no feelings at all? Am I that superficial? Because if that's true I must be extremely superficial and have very little importance for anyone or anything in my life. I really want to feel that kind of pain, hurt, ache, ecstasy, happiness, thrill, cos for me , only then would it mean that I am alive. Otherwise I just exist, just like your stove , your microwave or your kitchen sink, existing just for the sake of it. That is not the kind of existence I want. I want to feel, I want to know what love is, I want to feel it. Why then does it remain so elusive to the person who wants it the most?